faith is...

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 04:42:23 GMT

If you haven't noticed, I haven't updated in a LONG TIME.

I'm pretty much over writing in this thing and no one reads it anyway. So I'm done.

It's been great while it lasted.

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 08:01:26 GMT

Happy late 4th to all!

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 14:29:32 GMT

well if you'll notice the time of this post, it's 7:15 am and I'm up and working. Yeah well, I'm not too bummed because I <3 my new job. I can't be more happy where I ended up. That and my boss doesn't wanna stay till 12 like we're supposed to. So she wants to leave at 10.
::happy dance::

We went to Red, White, and Boom last night.
Total waste of $5.
We didn't even stay for an hour.
I didn't get to see The Red West because Vanessa has not been home for a week and no one can ahold of her. I know she's fine, but I was friggin' so mad because I'd been waiting to see them again since Maroon 5.

I applied for youth leadership at church. I was supposed to get evaluated on Sunday, but I didn't finish the little app they needed me to fill out. Some personal stuff I need to write about and I haven't had the time to sit down and think. I will today though. I'm excited.

I have a short housesitting job starting on Thursday and ending Sunday.
Nice time to get away from my house for a while.

I've been really irritated the past couple days. I'm trying to get rid of all my negativity before I get my evaluation for youth leader.
Yesterday, everyone was so inquisitive and I was getting friggin' frustrated.

So to anyone I snapped at yesterday, I'm sorry.

Well nothing else really to report right now.

::obnoxious wave:: to:
Stef
Bry
Greg
Dani

I miss you people!

I finally have the “Saved by the Bell” ringtone! I can die happy!!!

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 17:06:21 GMT

School is all set for the Fall semester.

I have 3 online classes and 1 in class:
COM 120 Intro to Broadcasting - online
ENG 102 Composition 2 - online
IS 101 Intro to System Management - online
PHIL 119 Intro to the Old Testament - Wednesday 6:00-8:00

School is gonna rock this semester.
I also figured out that I can have my AA by Summer semester '06. That's if I totally push it, taking 3 classes in both Summer of '05 and '06.
I know I can do it.
Time to take college seriously and get finished.

4 years to get my 2 year degree. That's somewhat sad, but hey... better late than never.

I could be Lacie and not even have my high school diploma yet.
:P

I KNEW IT!

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 19:15:15 GMT

bamlver's LJ stalker is evilclownmagnet!

evilclownmagnet is stalking you because they think you are the one who made anonymous abusive LJ comments. They are also eating your food when you aren't looking!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

My answer to any MEXICAN that asks me: "¿Se Habla Espanol?"

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 18:53:05 GMT

LEARN TO "HABLA" ENGLISH!

Update on my search for forgiveness:

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 16:53:42 GMT

-----Original Message-----
To: Jill
From: Blair
Sent: Yesterday afternoon
Subject: I forgive you.

Matthew 6:14-15

Always,
Blair
"Worry doesn't improve the future, it only ruins the present."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Blair
From: Jill
Sent: Last night
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Works both ways so I guess I'll have to forgive you too.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Jill
From: Blair
Sent: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Too bad you're only doing it because you think you "have to".

Always,
Blair
"Worry doesn't improve the future, it only ruins the present."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Blair
From: Jill
Date: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Oh please. Is this the way you want it to be between us? Do you really believe so strongly that you're better than I?

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Jill
From: Blair
Sent: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

I could ask you the same question. But my answer is that I don't think I'm better than anyone. I just wanted you to know that things in my heart have changed and even though I don't want to be totally "buddy buddy" with you, and Jesus put it on my heart to finally get over it.
So I am.
Nothing was meant to offend you, if I did. I just don't want you to forgive me unless you want to. I didn't write you in the first place to guilt you into getting past all this.

Always,
Blair
"Worry doesn't improve the future, it only ruins the present."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Blair
From: Jill
Date: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

First of all, I know for a fact that I'm no better than anyone, quite the opposite is true in my mind. I'm glad things have changed for you and I hope that it makes you a happier person. As far as being "buddy buddy", no, I think those days are over forever for you and me and that hurts. I'm glad though that you're getting over it, I won't ever but that's my lot in life. To be honest, yes, you did offend me and I don't forgive anything unless I truly want to, no one can 'guilt' me into doing anything. And since you brought it up, why DID you write me in the first place? To preach? To remind me that I'm damned forever and going straight to hell? Been there, done that, got the tshirt. I'm not looking for forgiveness from you or anyone. Since no one seems to remember that I'm alive, we'll just go ahead and keep it that way and you and Max can pretend Doreen is the one that gave birth to you and raised you for 15 years ok? I think I'm done. I'll just make sure Cameron sends you an email when I pass on ok? Won't be long.

Sincerely,
Some woman who used to be your mother.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Jill
From: Blair
Sent: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Did you read the last reply I wrote?
"I just wanted you to know that things in my heart have changed and even though I don't want to be totally "buddy buddy" with you, and Jesus put it on my heart to finally get over it. So I am."
Nowhere in there do I see or hear preaching. I just thought that I
should let you know what has been on my heart to tell you. But if you are going to make this a personal attack on you, then forget I emailed at all.

Always,
Blair
"Worry doesn't improve the future, it only ruins the present."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Blair
From: Jill
Date: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Hey, I'm glad you have Jesus in your heart, that's great but please don't send me scriptures. On your heart to tell me? You haven't told me anything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Jill
From: Blair
Sent: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

FORGET. IT.

Always,
Blair
"Worry doesn't improve the future, it only ruins the present."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Blair
From: Jill
Date: This morning
Subject: RE: I forgive you.

Will do :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So I guess I tried.

I mean, what was I expecting to get out of this?
Well, I did what I was told to do and if this was how it's supposed to be, then it will be.
It was kinda hurtful how she incorporated the smiley face in there, too, but I didn't put it past her.

I did it...

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 23:43:13 GMT

Sunday's service was about forgiveness and I cried for almost the entire service contemplating this.

I read Matthew 6:14-15 and sent my real mom an email that says in the subject, "I forgive you" and in the body, "Matthew 6:14-15."

Another weight has been lifted.

I know it's not much, but it's a little step.
I don't wanna be buddies, but I knew that if I walked around carrying a grudge forever, I would never get over what has happened in the past.

How can I expect to be forgiven if I cannot forgive?

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 19:17:30 GMT

I hate it when it's like this.
I'm having the hardest time staying awake.
We have nothing to do, yet again.
I'm just sitting at my computer, dozing off, and trying not to look obvious.
I think my head bobbed once or twice.

I wish something totally exciting would happen in my life so you could have something stimulating to read, but unfortunately, my life is boring at this point. One thing to be completely thankful for is that there is NO DRAMA.

I found the car I'm putting my money to. I've researched different cars and I've come to the conclusion that I'm saving $5000 grand for a down payment on a 2001 Toyota ECHO. They're cute, small, inexpensive, and Toyota's last forever. So I'm pumped that I finally have a goal for a car. But my original goal was to have it by my birthday, but that's not going to happen. But better late then never.

I seriously need to stop hanging out with Jenn during the week. Our midnight conversations are draining me.
;)

Please 12:30, get here quick and rescue me from my everlasting boredom.

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 16:21:49 GMT

First of all... Jason Mraz totally owned on Friday. We got there early enough to be in the front and everything totally kicked major butt. Awesome performer, awesome opening acts, people weren't as retarded as previous shows, a good night.

Drama with the 'rents on Friday, but totally cleared it up and all is well.

Cleaned hard-core on Saturday morning/afternoon and chilled with the posse on Saturday night.

Couldn't go to church Sunday morning because I had to work at Hallmark, but got off early so we could go to Mystere. My dad got tickets for the Father's Day show, so my mom, brother and I went. Show was awesome. I can never see it enough.

Worked out this morning before work for about an hour. I feel so energized. I'm gonna be working out every morning before work. Nice way to start the day.

Well I got some work to do so peace out, yo.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 14:22:44 GMT

I signed up for a gym membership last night!!!
woo hoo!
I'm gettin' on the right track now!!!!!
my pep is slowly returning!

And tonight is:

JASON MRAZ!!

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 18:38:22 GMT

Things are so slow right now.
No phone calls.
No paperwork or filing to do.
I don't get my lunch break until 12:30 and naturally, I'm dying of hunger.
I'm soooo tired.

Matt came over yesterday afternoon and we made Stef's birthday cookie cake concoction, that melted on our way to deliver said cake.
Then Jenn came over and waited for Mato and I to return.

I felt so weird last night.
I never get cramps and last night, I had hard-core cramps. Then I felt like I needed to throw-up, which I also, don't usually do.
I did. 4 times. Made me feel better though. Jenn and I were supposed to to go the gym, but was not not up to it at.all.
So after my vomit fiasco, we went to OfficeMax so I could get this cute monitor stand for work (which they didn't have), then went to Target for a few necessary luxury items, and ended our journeys at Wendy's.

Went back to my house and talked for a while till Matt left around 10:45.
Then of course Jenn and I talked till the weeee hours of the night/morning. I think I officially told her to go home around 12:30 this morning. Yeah so that explains my dead-ness today.

I think I might go to the gym tonight. I think I will.

Jenn, I promise I'll go tonight... wanna join me?
Lemme know.

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 15:32:58 GMT

I GOT A NEW JOB YESTERDAY AND MY FIRST DAY IS TODAY!!!
So far the people are really nice and helpful.
There's one really annoying guy, though. I think I can handle him.
I totally forgot my glasses though. My eyes are gonna be hurtin' by the end of the day.
I think I'll run home and grab 'em on my lunch.

WOO HOO!!! FINALLY A NEW JOB!!!

I'll be first in line...

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 20:35:44 GMT

The Passion of The Christ [WS]
Released on August 31, 2004

I know it's been a while...

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 18:48:32 GMT

Sorry I haven't posted in FOR.EV.ER.
Since housesitting has been over for a few days now, I don't have a anti-retard computer. So I'm kinda stuck having to come to CCSN and using the computer lab till my 'rents getaclue.

I have 2 interviews today. One at 10 and one at 4.
The one earlier today went VERY WELL and I think I might have it, but I'm not bankin' on that till I sign the paperwork.
She told me that out of all the people she interviewed, I was the most qualified for the position.
woo hoo.
go me with my qualifications.

I'm getting really involved with my church again and it feels so great. I feel like I matter again.

I've been really stressed lately, with my $$ situation and job stuff. So in turn, I broke out. So convenient considering I have 2 job interviews. But it's starting to clear up so praise Jesus.

A few people at work have been telling me that I haven't been the same person lately. One boss told me that I don't look like I've been sleeping a lot and a few others told me I have lost my pep.
I miss my pep.

I think once I start my path toward moving out...
-new job
to save for
-a new car
so I can have transportation after
-moving out
...my pep will be regained.

But still these problems are not mine. They are His.
If I keep my faith that He can help me out, things will be better for me.

Ok people...if you don't join, you better watch your backs... ;)

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 19:24:16 GMT

Bry (almostfam0us) and I started up a Christian community a few weeks ago called vegaschristians. So if you read this, whether or not you live in Las Vegas, we would love to have you join! So stop by and check us out.

If you look at my "userinfo", you'll notice I'm a member of a GAZILLION communities. I've been promoting hard-core all morning. I'm still not done yet. I clicked on "christ" in my interests and it brought up 301 matches and I'm only through D plus some other random communities. Join it! It's already cool, but later, it's gonna be great! We're off Bry!!

On top of promoting our community like whoa, I've been faxing my resume just as hard-core. Hopefully someone will get it and call me. I've been up since 8 doing this, so hopefully it will all pay off in the end.

I've got some running round to do today so I'm going to finish this up and get ready.

off for more promoting and faxing!
I'm in a way better mood this morning/afternoon than the last few days.
I hope that this lasts.

boys are more trouble than they are worth... well just the thought of boys...

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 07:27:25 GMT

uuuurrrrhhhhhhhhgggggg....
I still get all "happy-giddy-schoolgirl" when I see pictures of him or even when his name is mentioned even though I know that he's not the guy for me.

Why do I keep putting myself in the position of getting hurt... even when it's my own subconscience telling me better?

broke doesn't even begin to describe the state of my financial situation.

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 22:13:50 GMT

*School maxed out 2 of my credit cards.
*Since that lady was an "Indian-giver" and a flake, I'm out a new job.
(that btw I was supposed to start today)
*The current housesitting job ends Thursday.
*I have no housesitting jobs until August
(so that means I'm stuck at home for almost 2 months)
*Since I was told I had the job, I put in my 2 week notice at work, caused my boss to hire 3 more people and run out of hours for my sorry behind.
*Also because I was told I had the job, I canceled summer school.
(that also was supposed to start today)
*Because my parents are selfish and I'm poor, I can't go with my family to spread my Grandfather's ashes in July.
*No one is calling me back about any resumes I sent out.

I know God is behind all of these happenings and putting them in front of me to make me stronger.
But I'm getting bogged down with negativity. I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but like always, it's hard.
But I'm trying.

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 19:38:14 GMT

I'm setting the stage for the things I love
And I'm now the man I once couldn't be
Nothing on earth could now ever move me
I now have the will and the strength a man needs

It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise You
I now have the will to praise my God

Complexity haunts me for I am two men
Entrenched in a battle that I'll never win
My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me
But You are my shelter, all the strength that I need

It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise You
I now have the will to praise my God

I'm learning to give up the rights to myself
The bits and the pieces I've gathered as wealth
Could never compare to the joy that You bring me
The peace that You show me is the strength that I need

It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise You
I now have the will to praise my God

(bridge)
We've got to be children of peace
Don't you know we've got to be children of peace

(repeat chorus & bridge simultaneously 3x)

It's your will, it's your will [4x]

(repeat chorus & bridge simultaneously)

(repeat bridge)

I totally love being a big mouth...

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 07:46:26 GMT

Just got back from seeing A Perfect Circle.

Good times.
Hot dudes.
Good ass show.

We saw Grade 8 on our way out. We were driving out of the parking lot and they were driving in. I looked to my left and saw this hot dude and thought to myself that he was friggin' sexy. Then I looked again after I told Vanessa there were hot guys to my left and then it clicked. I did a TOTALLY OBVIOUS double-take and realized the bass player was driving the car. I yelled "Grade 8 totally rules!" and the bass player leaned out the window and yelled "Thank you!!".

I'll updated more later.
I'm really exhausted and I must sleep.

salt is so.... salty...

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 05:19:51 GMT

I really wish I hadn't promised Vanessa I'd go with her to A Perfect Circle.
I don't wanna go.
But I'll go... for her.
I <3 V so I won't back out.

......

damn being up before 10....

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 14:58:18 GMT

I JUST WOKE UP AND 2K MAH SHOWER AND IMM STIL DAAD 2 DA WORLD!1!1! OMG LOL MAH AY3S R DROPY AND MAH NOS3 IS RUNY1!!1! WTF LOL I WISH I HAD SLAPT LAST NIGHT!111111 DMN THERMAL BLANKET!!1! OMG LOL

I just woke up and took my shower and I'm still dead to the world. My eyes are droopy and my nose is runny. I wish I had slept last night. Damn thermal blanket.

I didn't fit in AT ALL, but I loved it

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 18:20:17 GMT

Orgy was on Sunday. And to be completely honest, I was dreading the crowd. I was so afraid this show was going to turn out to be like when we saw 311: getting totally tossed around by the dumbasses in the crowd, no breathing, not being able to see, etc. But I was VERY pleasantly surprised by how much fun we had.

We got to the Mandalay Bay around 4:45 and ate at HOB so we could get "beat the line" passes. So sweet since there were only 4 other people in the line. While we're eating, we met Paige (Orgy's Bass player) and Grade 8. Cool guys. So we finished eating around 5:30, get in line, get patted down, then the doors open at 6.
Holy crap! We ran to into the venue and snagged FRONT ROW CENTER! I thought I was going to pee myself we were so close.

The first band came on and immediately, I was surprised by the quality of the opening act. Some relocated local band from L.A. called Grade 8 left me wanting more. To be totally shallow and teeny-bopper-esque, those boys were sexy. The tall, lanky, black eyeliner wearing (seemed to be the common theme of most of the guys there), bass player was a TOTAL sexy beast. The lead singer wasn't too shabby, either. He came out and stood on the step in front of the bar we were against and leaned on us and sang. It was cool.

The next opening band was rather disturbing in the funniest way possible. The lead singer of Society1 was just... no word or collection of words in my vocabulary can describe the insanity of this lead singer. He kind of reminded me of Marilyn Manson before he got all TRL. He also came out and sang to the crowd, but I was praying that he didn't come and lean anywhere near me. Thank my lucky stars he didn't. The guitar player kept "dirtily" motioning to me or someone around me, and it was kinda freakin' me out. If I was to meet that guy, it would only be to get a closer look at his hair.

gODHEAD was the last of the opening acts. This was the one I was completely looking forward to. Their cover of The Beatles' Eleanor Rigby was totally worth the wait.

Then the moment we all had been waiting 2½ hours for.

Orgy finally came out on stage and the crowd went wild. I knew every.single.song. That band has so much energy, I loved it. When they sang "Blue Monday," again, we all went crazy. Being front row center was great because Jay came out and sang to us. He stood right in front me so I could have totally molested him if I wanted to get arrested. Then they went into a little cover of "You Spin Me." Good stuff. I yelled "you guys are sexy beasts" when it got slightly quiet and Paige looked right at me and gave me the "rock hand motion" thing. I'm such a groupie.

After the show, we were standing outside the HOB and Grade 8 was talking to some people. So at that moment, I felt the need to scream "GRADE 8 ROCKED TONIGHT!" The weird spitting keyboard player looked at me and smiled. It was funny.

So all in all, it was a GREAT SHOW. I was very pleasantly surprised by how much fun was had. I think we would have gotten tossed around a lot more if we hadn't been in the front.

After we left the Mandalay Bay, every little thing started pissing me off. I guess it was cuz I was tired. I ruined my khaki pants, I lost a $20 bill somewhere, I stopped to get gas and their dumb machines wouldn't take my debit card, went to another gas station and the pumps were retarded. Dude. A crappy way to end a night that started great. But an appropriate end to a crappy week that started out great.

Friday's A Perfect Circle with Vanessa. Still don't know what I'm getting myself into, but I promised her if she went with me to Eve6, I'd go with her to APC.
I am a "man" of my word.

There is a roadrunner in the backyard.
Just thought I would let you know that.

This entry took way longer to type than I anticipated.

I guess I'll do it too...

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 06:52:02 GMT

B	Bashful
I	Influential
Z	Zonked
Z	Zany
L	Loving
E	Excellent

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

So many disappointing things have happened since my last entry.
I know God is testing me.
I want to pass.

Thu, 27 May 2004 23:44:20 GMT

bizzle got a new job this morning!

Starting June 7th, I will be the receptionist for a marketing company, making $12/hr.
Starting August 1st, I will be raking in the glory of full benefits!

Today's been such an awesomely blessed day, despite the fact that I'm workin' on one hour (give or take about twenty minutes) of sleep, my ankle being all messed up, my dad's bein' a b-hole, blah, blah, blah...

Thank you Jesus for proving to me that you are looking out for me and helping me when I need the help.

So now I'm one step closer to a new car and moving out.

My goals:
1. To have a new car by my birthday.
2. To move out by the beginning of 2005 or sooner.

*crosses fingers*
*prays*